just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
