I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
