I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
