i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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