I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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