She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
