If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
