Can Purell be used as lube?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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