I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
