Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
