Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
