Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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