she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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