I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
