i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
