..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
