I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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