EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
