i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
