seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
