She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize