Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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