I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
