All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
one might say we're banned from that church
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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