like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
