we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
