good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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