you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
