Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
