He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
