We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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