So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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