i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
