So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
