I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
