last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
