: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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