I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
