Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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