You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I did not marry a roomba.
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