I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
