so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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