Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
