remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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