Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
