a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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