there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
