This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude. I can hear the air.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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