No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are the jesus of drinking
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
