My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
